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Monday, December 14, 2009

Finding my Voice

I was listening to the church choir sing not long ago. They sounded beautiful. I closed my eyes and just listened to this group of voices that sang together. After hours of rehearsing and years of performing together, they sounded like one voice... But then that one voice was interrupted.

From the depth of the united chorus, came a voice that stood out. Ironically it was a 6 year old girl. She was the soloist of the day. That little tiny voice somehow took over the grown up voices... all 30 of them. You, like me, may be asking yourself how that could be possible. I'll tell you the conclusion I came to.

It's different.
She's different.
That voice stands out amongst the choir because it is different.

I want to be that 6 year old girl.
Okay, so I don't want to be 6 years old, and I don't want to be the soloist in a choir... in fact, I don't even want to sing. But I want to stand out. And not necessarily because I am the BEST... but because I am different.

I absolutely adore photography. Not just as a way to document life as it happens... although that is such a cool thing... but also as an art. I was always a really artistic kid, and I have always loved expressing myself in unique ways... I remember bringing home a picture of a horse I drew at school one day and my mom didn't believe I'd drawn it (for the record, she swears this did not happen... I think she has forgotten!).

Here is my disclaimer. I am still trying to figure out who I am. After being in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, and going through a difficult divorce, I have been in the state of "finding myself" for almost 2 years. it seems to have been such a process. I was having a conversation with a friend today (over text messaging, go figure). And I came to some realizations about myself. It seems I am constantly coming to realizations about myself. Sometimes it is painful, sometimes it is exciting, sometimes it is just mind blowing.

I realized that I am crazy and erratic. I can't make my mind up about things easily. I am up and down and all over the place. I get crazy ideas and then I just go for them... even if they are totally out of the question. I change my mind all the time... I make a decision and I get all passionate about it and then I think it through later.

But you know what? I'm totally okay with that.
If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you have seen me change and shape my business... my style... my brand... and myself! I have gone through such a transformation in the last 2 years. There are several photographers that I really look up to and admire and LOVE. I am absolutely inspired by the way they have branded themselves, and created successful businesses. I have gone back and forth, up and down and around and around about how I want my brand to be... how I want my business to be. Then I came across Promise Tangeman's blog. I was absolutely INSPIRED, and my heart was happy. I LOVE that she isn't afraid to change things up and be a little funky. But as I looked through her blog, I started to notice what it is that I am drawn to... what makes me come back over and over to specific blogs.


That's it. It's that simple.

So even if I can never decide on a brand. Even if I can never choose colors that are consistent, or an overall theme or style... I want my blog, and my brand, to reflect my heart. My heart for God, my heart for people, and my heart for love.

That is my voice amongst the crowd. That is my voice amongst the craziness of this industry, and that is my voice in this world.

My heart.

I was literally so inspired by Promise and her blog that I read the ENTIRE thing yesterday. End to beginning. And then I went home and did a craft!

A work in progress...



Bianca said...

YAY!!! I'm so happy you found her stuff!!!

I'm TOTALLY going to pat myself on my back ('cause I'm so good at doing this) and say that blog comments connected us all :) Hip hip horray for the world wide web.


Scuotto Graphics Plus Blog said...

The reason why I keep coming back to read your blog is because I see your passion in the pictures that you take and also the words you say. Thank you for sharing your memories, thoughts and adventures with us.

syreena b said...

i LoVE this post so much!!! I really enjoy following your blog and will surely continue to do so. I totally relate to everything you are feeling and can't wait to see all that God has for you and your business.... let's get it girl!!! Hope to get to know you more :)


I love this. and I love how your project turned out. SOOO fun. :) thanks for sharing. :)

Michelle said...

Seriously, sometimes your thoughts are directly from my head and heart. I am so glad that I am not the only one out here that feels this way. Love going through the journey with you....

Lindsay said...

Great post! I am totally in the same boat when it comes to still finding myself. But I hope that my hearts shines through all the other stuff too. I am always drawn back to your blog because of your heart and your genuineness and your passion for life.

c.cho said...

Thanks for sharing this, it really gave me a lot of encouragment!


natalie said...

i totally love this and your new found inspiration